“Looking for the Helpers”
Once again we must reflect on how best to help, and find comfort, during
trying times. Yet another tragic headline began our day following the bombing
at a concert in Manchester, England. It
is reported that over 20 fatalities (many of them children) and more than 50
injuries resulted from this unfathomable attack. In the face of tragedy like
this, especially where innocent loved ones have died, what do we tell
ourselves and our children that will offer any solace?
It seems that in recent years we are more frequently faced
with frightening events than ever before. That our communities and our
families are faced with increased threats to health and well being. On any given day, the news headlines ring out
dangers, catastrophe and an ever increasing anxiety about our safety. More frequently we are forced into conversation about how to speak with children about
the more difficult aspects of life. (link to
“Talking to children about Loss or Crisis” article?)
Without question, our hearts are with the families of these victims and
also with the communities impacted by this senseless violence. Even when tragedy takes place in far-away locations,
we can all relate personally to grief and are certainly impacted by the loss
of life. Whether smaller in scale or an
event of this magnitude, all death is significant, personal and has the
potential to trigger major emotions. This
tragedy seems even more significant in its targeting of young children. While emergency support is being offered at
many levels, and good people are coming to the aid of those impacted, there are
unfortunately no clear answers that will provide absolute comfort. It is my expectation, however, that given
time, compassion, camaraderie, and connection to each other, we will weather
this tragedy as well. But we need to start with calm and compassion.
So what can we do to reassure our children today? We can be
available, consistent and kind. We can
offer children honesty and the empowerment that comes from knowledge. We can be patient in our conversations, and
take the time necessary to fully explore a child’s thoughts, feelings and
needs. Discussion of this tragedy cannot
be avoided and there will be future need to continue the conversation. Talk openly about the events of the day. Keep the conversation ongoing, since not all
answers will be available at once. Where
there are specific concerns for safety, talk about making a plan for responding
to dangers in schools, home and public places.
We cannot promise that life has no dangers but we can provide some
reassurance by listening to children’s fears and planning ahead.
I reflect
on some of the words of Fred Rogers, that gave me and countless others comfort during
our own childhoods…when faced with scary times and frightening events “look for the helpers. You will always find
people who are helping.” I’d like to
believe that tragedy brings out the best in us. When we come together to face difficulty
we find the real resource that children and families need. Connection, support
and the transformative strength of community.
The Children’s Bereavement Center offer FREE Peer Support Groups
for children, their families, and adults after a death. Groups are available in both Dade and Broward
County.
Submitted by:
Peter Willig, LMFT, FT
Clinical Director
Children’s Bereavement Center
(305) 668-4902
Peter Willig is a Licensed Marriage
and Family Therapist and Clinical Director for the CBC. He has been involved
with the CBC since their inception and engages in Grief education and community
outreach. He is also on the Board of Directors for the National Alliance for
Grieving Children.
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