“Back To School, After Loss”
“Back
To School, After Loss”
Estimates are that:
·
1
in 5 school-aged children experiences the death of a loved one
·
1
in 20 experience the death of a parent or sibling by high school
·
7
in 10 teachers report have grieving students in their classroom
These realities can be
unsettling and unfortunately are frequently under addressed. Often a death is not communicated to school
personnel, supportive resources are in short supply, and a loss history does
not follow students from year to year. It
is also important that most educators report they have little or no training in
grief or in supporting a grieving student.
Many teachers report that grief can result in students having difficulty
concentrating, participating less, decreasing in quality of classwork, and
being absent more frequently.
Imagine being a student
who has experienced the death of a loved one and is still expected to focus,
perform, and be social. Sometimes in a school setting, children with loss want
to remain anonymous and fit in, but many are in need of support, time, and
compassion. Empathic teachers, trust
counselors, school psychologists, and social workers are ideally positioned to
help.
Here are some simple hints
that may be beneficial both to students and professionals after loss:
·
Begin with You – Any effort to assist others should begin with reflection on
your own needs and intentions. Taking
care of oneself is the first step in helping others.
·
Routine and Ritual helps – Maintain structure and schedule. Children
benefit from being able to count on some things staying the same after a loss.
·
Talk about it (simply and honestly) - Children benefit from honest, clear, and age appropriate
information. Difficult experiences can
also be teachable moments. Often children want to talk but may need an
invitation or an example.
·
Find “Teachable” Moments – Even difficult topics can be opportunities
to explore ideas and share information. Engage students in discussion of loss
as a cultural or social experience. Allow them to express feelings in safe and
productive ways.
·
Listen Carefully – Listen for the thoughts, needs, and feelings behind what is
shared. Listening is an active process,
pay attention to a child’s action and behavior as it is sometimes a communication
of feelings.
·
Address their Questions – You may not have all the
answers, especially to the “big” questions that children ask like “why”. Often, they are simply looking for a sense of
understanding so they can feel safe and prepared. By being open to questions, children will see
you as a resource and feel more comfortable sharing with you when needed.
·
Patience, patience, patience – Be patient with those around you and with
yourself. Feelings and behaviors can
change over time. Focus on the adjustment to life after the loss. It is an
ongoing and long term experience.
·
Connect with Community/Resources –Be open to assistance, explore
resources and remember you don’t have to do it all yourself. Working together
allows for shared energy and a sense of strength that can help during the
stress of difficult experience.
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